I’ve had two semi-recurring nightmares for the length of my college career. You know how you usually know you’re dreaming when you’re in a dream? Well for some reason, when I have either of these dreams, that whole notion goes out the window and I’m stuck until I’m fortunate enough to wake up.
In the first recurring dream, my teeth start falling out. And there’s this intense pain from them ripping themselves from my gums. In my dreams, it varies from my teeth grinding on each other until they inevitibly fall out to some cases where they just suddenly fall out and blood gushes everywhere.
I’ve done the research. I know why I have this dream—it’s stress. More specifically, it was golf. I literally had stressful dreams about my teeth falling out because I was so unhappy on the golf team. I’m happy to say that I haven’t had this dream since I quit the team back in the beginning of September. Yay for overcomming a nightmare!
Unfortunately, my second dream seems to be here to stay. It began shortly after I stopped going to karate regularly. Being a black belt is more than just an honor. It technically just means you’re a dedicated beginner, but at the same time, you can definitely kick some ass if you’re ever assaulted. So why is it that when I dream that I’m in a fight, it’s like I’m punching air? There’s no power behind my attacks. It’s like my arms have turned to jelly and I have no hopes for defeating my opponent.
I think, perhaps, it has something to do with the fact that I don’t feel quite as insecure when I’m not up to par with my martial arts. I took over a year—almost two—off from karate because of college and golf and just life in general. I don’t think I have a single stronger regret than giving up karate for two years. It clears my mind and helps me focus like nothing else. Over the summer, I went back to karate regularly and the nightmares stopped as well. But, now that I’m back in school, the nightmares have returned and I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance to train again.
I’m hoping that by teaching self-defense classes at Seton Hill, I’ll be able to increase my confidence and this will translate into my subconscious. Who knows…I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
(don't) Suppress the Jess 